How to stop a head-banger

Songling bangs her head on the chair when she gets upset. On occasion, she has fallen on the floor because, she she wanted to express her unhappiness but she ended up lying on the floor instead (she arches her body such that chest sticks out front and head towards back). I was worried about her self-injurious behavior becos she is only 7-8 months plus. Her head is still fragile. I decided enough is enough, I needed to stop this nonsense. It only took me one episode.

When Songling bangs her head against the wall or chair, I tell her "no". Of course, you must have already trained her to understand what is "no". Read previous post for more. If she continues to bang her head, I say "no", slap her on her forehead, not too hard but hard enough to make a statement. She would cry and then pause (I bet she is thinking about whether I will slap her again) before banging her head again. I say "no" and slap her 2 times on the forehead. She cried but I just looked at her and said "no". Throughout this entire episode, I did not carry her, sayang her head or soothe her. Problem solved. Haven't banged her head for a week already.

Routine Thoughts

Had an email discussion about routine for children so I thought I would cut and paste some of my thoughts from the email and put them here. Here goes...

I recently learned this - When something "not right" happens when Sam is looking after the child, I tell myself that it really is "my fault". It is my job to look after the children, etc, but I didn't (forwhatever reasons) so I should not blame my husband who is only trying to help me do my job.

I think a routine is important so that I can get things done and get rest. One perspective that I find useful is asking myself that if God gives me 10 kids,would I still look after my kid this way? So, stuff like teaching kids to be independent and good helpers in the home are important to me. Over time, I have realised that it is actually good for them, more than it is good for me.

I have a routine for the kids but I think it basically gets down to obedience from the kids. So it's not like you and the kids are sticking to a schedule governed by the clock but rather the kids have to obey what you say. (I am not a supporter of Babywise, I think it is far too rigid.) Jieling had a certain routine before Songling came along. When Songling came along and as Songling grows, we have been changing some parts of the routine so that we can all function well as a family. And if you have trained kids to obey you, then I think it isn't that big of a problem to change the routine as and when necessary. For e.g, we used to have dinner, playtime, then family devotion just before Jieling sleeps. Now, we have dinner, family devotion, then Songling goes to sleep,while Jieling can do a bit of reading and playing before she goes to sleep. At first, Jieling didn't understand why we had to do devotion so early cos she hasn't really gotten to play yet!

I lower my expectations and try to meet their needs when they are out of schedule. I keep to the principle of meeting all their needs before they ask for it. I feed them, give them attention, play, read, etc when they don't cry. As such, they learn not to cry/whine for something they want.

As for going on trips and sleeping in the same room, Jieling has been pretty good so far. She lies in bed even though Songling may be crying in her crib/playpen. We ignore Songling especially on the first night. If she continues to cry on the 3rd and4th night, we may consider bringing her to share the bed with us. Ideally, I like staying in a 1 bedroom, 1 living area concept. So we can put Songling to sleep first while we all hang out in the living area. Then when Songling stops crying, we can send Jieling into the room.

Obedient and happy children

I think that when you spend a lot of time with your children, they are more receptive when you tell them no. I have realised that when Jieling throws a tantrum or whines or cries excessively, it is often associated with me being busy with something - either cooking for a gathering or shopping for something that she has virtually nothing to learn about. When we shop at the grocer's, there is no problem because I can tell her what's what. There was a time I was shopping for quilting fabric and she whined and whined until I realised that I could make it fun - We played some game about colors and patterns.

Anyway, back to being obedient and happy. I have experienced that Jieling is usually content and happy playing by herself because I have already spent time with her. If I don't spend time with her, she starts to whine and get into some trouble and then throws a huge tantrum when I spank her.

Training Infants - what is no?

Infant training is of such great interest only after you become a parent. Before you become one, you hardly think about how to train and what to train an infant in. I have 2 kids and I did different stuff with the both of them. I thought that some of you may like to know what and how I train them.

For both my kids, I started spanking them at 6 months. No, not 6 months ago, but when they turned about 6 months of age. For both, I have always used the wire/cable of our electric lamps as part of the training process. I start by saying no when they attempt to touch the cable. When they touch it again, I spank them on the hand. After a few times, they understand no as not touching. I take them away to do other stuff -play with them, read, etc... I continue the training much later in the day or the following day. The point is, there is no need to spank them until they turn blue so that they completely obey you.

Co-sleeping

Sometimes, there are things we do as parents that do not exactly have moral/immoral consequences on our children but have an impact on our general well being.

I have a friend who sleeps with her child on the same bed. When No. 2 came along, No.1 is sleeping with Daddy and No. 2 is sleeping with mummy. She does not intend to have No. 3. I am guessing that they have run out of parents to sleep with the children. *grin* There is nothing wrong wrong with this type of sleeping arrangement other than, the husband and wife better make sure they are having some private time together.

From this example, I learned that one needs to train up children so that he/she shouldn't be afraid God blesses them with more children. At a meeting with a mother of 8 children, she concurred that the reason why parents are afraid to have more children is because they don't train them. The father said "Well, I don't blame them". Hahaha...